I was talking to a coworker today about my lousy truck, and how it’s a dangerous piece of shit. I was telling him about how one day I was lowering the loading ramp and I had backed up a little too close to the building. In frustration, I had shoved the truck, which was in gear, with the parking brake on. It rolled forward about six inches. Very safe, especially when you’re filling said truck up with literally tons of poisonous chemicals.
This was the conversation that followed:
“Maybe you’re a superhero. It’s not that the truck is terribly dangerous, it’s just that you’re really strong.”
“I’ll bet that’s it. I’m always trying to convince everyone I’m a superhero.”
“I bet you are. You ever see that movie Unbreakable? You’re like that guy.”
“I am. How should I demonstrate my powers?”
“You need to go to a public place and try to drown someone.”
“Wait. I might be mixing up parts of the movie.”
“I think you want me to go to prison.”
“Well, you’d definitely get a chance to test out your super powers there.”
“I’ve got a great ability to withstand butt-rape. I’ll call you up: ‘Hey, I found out what my super power is! I self-lubricate!’”
We had to stop talking, then, because we were pushing a pallet with over two thousand pounds of sand on it, and we were pushing it uphill. Laughing is not conducive to that situation.