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Pull Up a Chair and a Bottle Of Antacid by Ray Printer Friendly

So itís a brand new yearÖhow do you feel about that? Itís a little after eight in the morning as I write this, and I have no hangover, no absolute stranger in my bed, and Iím not stained with any of that ink they use at the police station that seems to stay on your hands forever. I had a pretty uneventful New Yearís Eve, is what Iím saying.

It seems like itís more of a social holiday, and since Iím generally pretty abrasive to people, I donít tend to make friends very easily. Going out and publicly humiliating myself at a bar isnít really my thing, either, believe it or not. I figure I can publicly humiliate myself on the internet with a bottle of booze and save myself about thirty bucks.

But weíre not here to discuss my (lack of) social life. Weíre here to discuss yours. I hope you all wake up today bleary-eyed, sick to your stomach, and with gaps in your mind that make you feel just a little nervous. Or, if thatís not your thing, I suppose I could just wish you a happy new year.

Whatever the case, Iím glad you found your way back to The Strangelands. It would be cool if I could tell you about all kinds of amazing things weíve got planned for the coming year, but letís face itómost of the time, Iím lucky if I can get the same old stuff offered up. But weíve picked up a couple new guys this last year, and maybe they can do something amazing for you.

I guess I could offer up nude pictures this year, but since Iím the only one I know that ever gets naked around me, and since that makes me throw up half the time, I suppose that that probably isnít a very good idea at all.

But I will promise you thisóif you stick around, Iíll try not to pee on your legÖany more than absolutely necessary.

Thatís something, right?

But all random crudeness aside, Iím glad you all made it through that last year, and I want to wish you good luck with this new one.

So there.


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